Thank you so much for sticking with me – I’m so sorry about that late upload. Because of mock exams and Christmas I have had barely any free time but I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday and a well-deserved break.
This is the final segment of my Wonder Boy experience, which has been requested and I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you want to know about my life next in the comments!
WB was in my thoughts a lot more than he should have been as I started Year 11. It was as if everywhere I turned there would be a reminder, and every time I saw the dress I had worn on Theme Night I had flashbacks. It sounds cheesy but I really hoped he would text and change his mind. I missed our conversations about really bizarre things and I wished that things hadn’t ended in such an awkward note.
At the end of September, I was at a friend’s house with members of our youth group. I had a very open and honest conversation with one of my male friends, who, although he was unable to advise me on what the cryptic message meant, said he knew Wonder Boy was a lovely person and was probably just as confused as I was. This instilled fresh hope in me and I decided to text WB, asking how he was. Big mistake.
Over that weekend, we had a very stilted, short text conversation which I sent the last message on and he never replied. It was clear that nothing between us was the same and he didn’t feel the same way at all.
Throughout October, the thought that burned in the back of my mind was Signal. I’ll call it that for the sake of privacy, but it was basically a gathering of church youth groups and WB would be there. I was dreading the 2nd of November, where my wounds would be opened again and would seemingly bleed in front of everyone. I felt like I was now boring my close friends by talking about WB and how I felt, so I closed off and tried to choke down the sick feeling rising in my stomach. It sounds completely stupid, but after humiliating myself twice over text, I was in no hurry to see him again.
The day arrived, as I knew it would and, stupidly, I made extra effort with my appearance. Although my brain shouted that he didn’t like me, my feelings took over and hoped and prayed for something to happen.
I will spare you the details of that day. It still, nearly 2 months later, hurts me to remember how awkward it was, how WB didn’t make an effort to talk to me once, and how he acted like we weren’t ever friends. I was so upset and disappointed that I gave myself abdominal migraines, really bad stomach pains caused by stress which I used to have regularly and had not had for nearly 6 months before then.
I left Signal feeling completely ridiculous. I had been foolish to kid myself into believing that nothing bad would happen, and I was more foolish to worry myself so much over a boy that I made myself ill.
Now, almost two months later, it still hurts. I won’t lie and say I’m over it, because I’m not. There are still things that remind me of him, and as much as it hurts me, I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. I hope that sharing my experience with others might help me achieve closure. I hope I’m not the only girl to go through an experience like this. On New Year’s Eve, I will do something I have not had the courage to do yet, as ridiculous as it seems. I will delete WB’s text messages from my phone and completely try and forget about him.
Thank you for all your love and support, have a great New Year and let’s smash 2019,